And you've got to learn to live with what you can't rise above

Bruce Springsteen -- Tunnel Of Love -- 1987



The job is a no-go. Got the letter yesterday. And things at my current job get uglier by the day. I honestly don't know how much longer I can do this, and I can't afford to be unemployed.

Then, I took myself to the OB/GYN doctor this morning. I thought it was about time. I haven't been there in 7 years and my Primary was nagging me to get a screening Mammogram, and to see if there was any explanation for my Chronic Anemia. I have had every other medical work-up known to man and all have shown no obvious reason that my Hematacrit and Ferritin levels are low. Very low. Low enough that my MD called me on a holiday morning, while away on vacation to order me to find an open pharmacy and start taking Iron replacement. Double doses. Immediately.

The GYN didn't find anything abnormal on his exam today. Nothing except blood in my urine. Without a reason. He was concerned enough that he has scheduled me for an Ultrasound in a week. The earliest appointment we could get. Then I had to leave his office an get to a lab for a more detailed Urinalysis.

So, all in all, it's been a great 24 hours.

Sometimes, life just sucks.

Saw that look of recognition when they know just who you are

Peter Gabriel -- The Barry Williams Show -- 2002




To begin......... some housekeeping. Because I know you are all waiting with baited breath. Hanging on my every keystroke. You're all good that way.

No word yet on the job. I guess that's good. If they really despised me, I'm sure I would have received a lovely, albeit clear rejection by now. The wait continues.

I met with the "start up" woman last evening to assess what she is offering. Not a lot to report until the business is actually running, but she wants to pay me on a consulting basis for my services.

In the meantime, my job keeps becoming more and more of a pressure cooker. There is LOTS of documentation that needs to be done as many of the programs my former co-worker offered are funded by federal grants, and along with the documentation come the related reports and monetary accounting information. NOT.MY.THING.

I am hating this more and more every day.

The Poodles are fine. Ungroomed, but fine. Willie and I have been taking a Rally class for about 5 weeks now, and he is truly excelling in it. He is eager and willing and we are having a fun time practicing. We attended a fun match on Sunday to try out our newly minted skills in a bigger and more distracting environment. We did fairly well and my teacher was very complimentary about how happy he seemed in the ring.

I also attended a Canine First Aid class at my training school on Saturday. It was offered by the Red Cross. With my experience in human emergency medicine, I wasn't certain how valuable the class might be, but I ended up learning a lot of new information. If a natural disaster is looming and you don't know what to do about your pets, shoot me an e-mail and I'll walk you through the process. Hopefully you have wireless access in your bunker or at the shelter.

The Princess is still with Lumpkin, although they apparently had a WHOPPER of a fight over his plans for Easter. Seems that Momma's boy is professing that he really wants to spend his Easter with the Princess, but Momma Lumpkin is putting the giant kibosh on those plans. The Princess basically told him to man up and tell his mother that he was going to do what he wanted to do.

I sat there and bit a ginormous hole into my cheek trying to keep my bossy trap shut. I wanted to shake her and ask "do you really want a boyfriend who has to be dragged into EVERYTHING kicking and screaming?" Alas, I did not. I think she knows.

The Princess is now the proud owner of a shiny new laptop computer. And I will inherit her old laptop. The desktop computer I currently use at home is about 12 years old and simply decrepit. It doesn't help that we have yet to enter the bright days of technological advancement. We are still on dial-up, but I do believe that I will soon be paying for a high-speed connection to match my somewhat dulled but ever-so-lovely used laptop.

The Princess has wanted a new laptop for several years. Many moons ago, I got her one as she was preparing to go to college. At that time, she was planning to be a film student, so I opened a Dell account and basically built her a laptop heavy on editing and movie software. I paid a fortune for it, and it took me 3 years to pay it off. It is a big behemoth, and it no longer suits her needs as a teacher. So, with her income tax rebate amount coming as a complete surprise to her this year, she decided that she wanted to invest in a new laptop. She had been researching the brands that interested her for quite some time. The girl knew what she wanted.

This past Sunday, the laptop she wanted was advertised in a sale at Circus Shitty. It was a good sale, so she and I hopped in the car and headed over there Sunday morning. I have never had much use for Circus Shitty, being all too aware of their penchant for shady dealings. As a matter of fact, they are being doggedly pursued by my very own State's Attorney over some bait-and-switch sales tactics. But, the computer was there, the cash was in hand and the Princess was ready to spend. This was to be her very first "big girl" purchase since becoming a worker bee. She was very excited.

We went inside and headed straight for the computers. She found a display version of the one she was interested in, and after trying it out, decided that it was, in fact exactly what she hoped for. We found ourselves a young salesman named Noah, told him what she wanted and headed to another aisle to pick out a wireless router.

Noah returned only to tell us that the computer she wanted was not in stock. When I questioned him, he said that their chain got their deliveries on Tuesdays, so there was no guarantee that by Sunday.....when the sale started....there would be any stock left. I told him politely what I thought of that manner of conducting business. He then told us that another version of her computer WAS available, but, of course, would cost more because there was extra software loaded into it. I asked him to find out the cost difference. He left and we waited.

As we were waiting, the Princess happened to glance down into the glass display case and found that there WAS one model of her computer sitting there. Staring up at us beseechingly. Without all of the extra software. We were practically giddy at the discovery.

When Noah returned to give us the upgraded computer price, we told him what the Princess had spotted. We pointed to the case excitedly. He look at it, obviously puzzled. He returned to his computer and typed furiously. He went into a back office for several minutes. He finally came back over to us and this was what transpired:

Noah: Well, I can't figure this out. Our system says that there are none of this model available for sale. My supervisor doesn't know why either. It shouldn't be there.

Me: Well, it's right there, waiting to be bought. See? ( pointing hopefully to the computer)

Noah: But the system says it's not there.

Me: Ummmmm, OK. But it is. Right there.

Noah: But I can't sell it if it's not in the system.

Me: So, put it in the system.

Noah: Uhhhhhh. I can't do that.

Me: Mkay. Then please find me someone who can.


Noah trotted off through the mysterious back door again, only to return after a few minutes to tell us that he couldn't sell the computer to us. Because it wasn't supposed to be there.

Ladies and gents. This is the point in the story where I began to lose my patience. Yes, you heard me right. I lost my patience. Here is how it went:

Me: Listen Noah, I understand this is not your fault, but the computer is literally staring me in the face. I came here to buy this computer ( gesturing at the display model) that was listed here ( gesturing to the sale flyer) at a sale price. I'm not asking for anything free. I'm asking that you sell me the computer at the listed price. I am willing to hand you almost 800 dollars cash. In my opinion, I think that's more than a fair trade for the 3 minutes it will take you to put it into the system. OK?

Noah: But, my supervisor said that I can't sell it. It might be here by mistake. It might have been shipped here for someone else. It might be mismarked stock. For whatever reason, it's here and we don't know why so we can't sell it.

Me: Noah. Listen very carefully. I am an EXTREMELY persistent person. If you were giving me a logical reason why you couldn't sell this computer, I would be fine with that. But you aren't. The computer is here. I am here. The cash is here. I want the computer. If you can't do it and your supervisor refuses ( note: no supervisor had appeared to speak to us despite Noah's multiple trips back and forth) then I need to speak to a manager.

Noah trotted off again. This time, he went in a totally different direction. All the way to the front of the store. As the Princess and I were waiting, a surly-looking young man ( I'll kindly call him CM , as in Cro Magnon) appeared from the same back office where Noah had previously gone. He sauntered slowly by us, giving us the once over. As he passed, he muttered" need help?". I thanked him but declined. I knew immediately that this was " the supervisor" that Noah had been speaking to. I also knew that he was NOT the manager as Noah had headed to another location when I requested the manager.

CM stood at the store's computer and glared at us, apparently annoyed that we had not accepted his refusal and left. Suddenly, from behind me, I heard a familiar voice. It was my boss and her husband.....there to buy the exact same computer! As I explained the situation to her, CM listened intently. My boss's husband has been a business owner for many years, so when he heard what we were being told, he began to complain loudly about Circus Shitty's manner of conducting business. He made a remark to the effect " that's why they are going under. Because they do things like this all the time". At that comment, CM began to shout from where he was standing " no one said you can't have a computer. You just have to buy the one's with the extra software because there are not any of the other models left". When I tried to point out that there was, in fact, a model in the cabinet, he ignored me and dismissively said " I know all the ones in the cabinet have extra software because I installed it myself".

Incensed, my boss and her husband stalked out. The Princess and I continued to wait.

Suddenly, we saw Noah reappear with another young man following him. CM spotted them at the same time that we did, and the look of anger etched on his face was unmistakable. The manager stopped to speak to CM before coming over to us, asking him to verify the information in the computer. As they were doing this, I heard CM say to the manager " she doesn't want to pay the extra 40 dollars for the upgraded version. I told her we don't have any of the one's that she wants available for sale, so she started giving me some lip".

I stood there seething. I had neither said nor done what he was accusing me of. I knew i had to keep my mouth shut if I had any chance of walking out with this computer. I needed the manager to actually listen to me.

The two men walked over to us and CM said "Oh, you're still here? I thought you were leaving". The manager looked stricken. I responded "No. Actually, that was my boss and her husband who were leaving. Another sale that you lost. They were the ones you overheard."

The manager asked how he could help, and I explained that we were being told that they would not sell the model we wanted because there was no documentation of it in their system. The manager looked completely baffled as he stared, obviously, at the exact model in question locked in the cabinet. He ordered CM man to open the cabinet. CM grudgingly did so. To everyone's great surprise, there were actually 2 models in the cabinet....one behind the other. Neither were traceable in the inventory.

The manager calmly said to CM " get the computer out, get it into the system and sell it to her". As CM started to complain, the manager again said " put it in the system and sell it to her. And then, when you're done, get the second one into the system so it can be sold". It was evident to me that the manager understood exactly who was at fault in this situation and he apologized to me for the confusion and delay.

CM was clearly FURIOUS. Indignant that I had refused Noah's explanation, indignant that I had ignored his protestations that the computer was not for sale, indignant that I had gone over his head to the manager, and most indignant that the manager had agreed that I was correct. And he was wrong. He stalked away and left the task of completing the sale to Noah.

In hindsight, I have to wonder if there was any shady dealing going on with these computers. There was no indication in their stock that either of these computers even existed, so what would prevent them from being sold at a higher price, or illegally, with the seller gaining all the profit? Maybe that was what so angered CM.

The end result? We left there with the Princess' new computer, a data cable and a wireless router. I helped her set it up initially, she transferred all of her data from the old laptop to the new, and she is wiping the old one clean for me.

She is very, very happy with her purchase.

I am composing a lovely letter to Circus Shitty.

With a nice series of cc's to my Attorney General, the Better Business Bureau and the Bureau of Consumer Protection.

Bite your lip and take a trip, though there may be wet roads ahead.........

.........You cannot slip, so move on up and peace you will find -- Move On Up -- The Jam -- 1983




Things have been a bit off here recently. I work for a community based, non-profit medical facility. Like every other non-profit healthcare institution, financial times are hard. Very hard.

A co-worker recently left to take another position within the facility. At the same time, all managers and/or directors were asked to give back 5 % of their overall operating budget. To keep the facility economically viable.

Can we all see where this has gone? The position my co-worker used to occupy will NOT be filled. However, the work does not go away. So I am one of 2 people required to take on that extra work. I am currently, and for the foreseeable future, doing my weekly 45 hour job and 22.5 hours extra of the co-worker's job. For ONE full time paycheck.

While I truly don't mind helping out where and when I can, and while I honestly love this facility and the great work it does, I am resentful of the fact that I was simply handed these extra duties with no opportunity to discuss how and why I should be fairly compensated for them. This is not a temporary situation. I will, in fact be responsible for a job-and-one-half for at least the next 8 months, if not permanently.

As a woman who put MYSELF through college as an adult, while working here and raising my daughter alone, I am angry to be devalued. I worked very, very hard to get where I am. I work very hard everyday at my job. I don't want to allow this facility to ignore that fact.

So, I have been considering my options.

And yesterday I took a trip to visit one of those options. For a second interview.

A job that would be based from home. A job with another company. It would be an on-call position that again allows me to interact with medical staff, patients and families. A job that would be perfect for me in so many ways.

Except that the corporate headquarters is 2.5 hours away from me. And I would be required to make that trip at least once monthly to meet with the rest of the staff. There is no direct train service to that town, so I would have to drive. I drove it yesterday, in a pouring rainstorm. The drive there was long, but not awful. However, yesterday was a holiday of sorts, so there was little traffic. The drive home after the interview was hell. 5 hours on the road with an hour break is hard.

And I have an SUV that is almost 11 years old. It cost me 60 dollars in gas for the trip. I am not in the market for a new car for at least the next millenia, or until the student loans are paid off. Whichever comes first. My guess........... the millenia.

I am truly interested in this job, but I have very practical concerns about the associated costs. The job itself requires traveling throughout my own state when I am on call.

I would love a position that allows me to create my own schedule, but I am very torn about all the travel.

They hope to get back to the candidates by the end of next week. I'm very unsure about what to do if the job is offered to me.

I also have another iron in the fire, but this would be a new start-up business and I have yet to meet with the woman who is responsible to discuss my role. She seems to be offering me a consultant-type position, and she has been persistent in pursuing me.

While I love change and relish challenge, I also know that I will have to give up the security of the familiar to move forward. I have spent so much of my life making decisions based on what is best for my daughter that I may have forgotten how to consider what is best for me.

This entire mess has me very stressed.

Help me, internets. Give me sage advice. Words of wisdom. Your stories of success.


OR



A gas card and a Hybrid.

I always feel like somebody's watching me

Rockwell -- Somebody's Watching Me -- 1984




Hellllllllllloooooooooo Ms. Medway Massachussetts!!!!!



Back again?? So soon?


I know you are reading. I see that you were here today at 12:51 and you stayed for almost 7 minutes reading the passage that mentioned your last return. I know every time you are here, even if not from your own IP address. Isn't technology a wonderful thing?

I see you also find the comments enjoyable. Even when they trash you.

Kind of sad, no?

If you are so interested in me, introduce yourself properly. I already know exactly who you are, but my Blog readers would probably LOVE to meet you. In fact, since they have heard a bit about your shenanigans, they would probably LOVE to correspond directly with you via my comments. Don't be afraid. You are interested enough to keep coming back to read my Blog, so stop being a lurker and join in the fun. I promise we're not cruel here.


At least not any more cruel than you are via e-mail.


So stop being a creepy stalker and tell us all about yourself. You don't have anything to hide, do you?



C'mon. We're all waiting!



Oh, Ms. Medway Massachussetts, are you still there?????

Some of us horrified, others never talk about it

Tears For Fears -- Mother's Talk -- 1986



Well, apparently, there has been some quick damage control being calculated over at the Lumpkin manse.

After a 2 day standoff, the Princess and Lumpkin are speaking again. And the Princess has returned to laying on the front porch with "Welcome" written across her back.

Doormat often?

It seems that Lumpkin's mother, upon hearing of his admission to the Princess regarding his "savings", decided to help him calculate how much he REALLY had. Bear in mind, the mother..........A CERTIFIED PUBLIC ACCOUNTANT!

Her calculations?

A mere 1,500 dollars.

Odd, isn't it?

One would think, I imagine, that there is a clearly discernible difference between over 5,000 and near 1,500 dollars. Wouldn't one? Especially when one is now into his 6th year of college and BOTH of one's parents work in finance.

I have a few questions about this interesting revelation, but I am left with no one to ask them of. Because the Princess chose NOT to impart this bit of news to me. Rather, she called my mother and admitted this truth only when my mother asked. She never even asked to talk to me, which is not her norm.

I think that also speaks volumes.

So I will ask you, friendly internets. Don't you find it odd that NO ONE seemed to recognize the difference between 5,000 and 1,500 dollars? Am I being led to believe that this was all a big pile-o-cash hidden between a basement rafter, slowly being secretly pilfered? Otherwise, wouldn't there be a bankbook or a statement that detailed EXACTLY how much was available at any given time? Do they mean me to believe that they can't, as a family, read????

Or, as I am suspecting, do we think that Momma Lumpkin had a bit of a coronary at the idea that her miracle baby let the financial cat out of the bag.......and she decided to resolve the issue by clarifying the amount? And thought no one in my family would notice.

Methinks this entire thing stinks. And methinks Lumpkin comes by his secretive and evasive nature genetically.

Supposedly, Lumpkin told the Princess that he was "unaware" of exactly how much savings he had, so he estimated when he told her. After his Momma waved her magic wand, she confessed that she had been using some of his funds to pay off some of his student loans.

Now kids, my Princess JUST GRADUATED from college. I know from student loans. And I know that a missing 3,500 dollars would go NOWHERE to pay off 4 years at Fordham and 1 year at Drexel.

And is she meaning to say that she took Lumpkin's money without his permission or knowledge? You see, he professed to the Princess that he knew nothing about that. If so, that sounds like a crime to me.

Actually, what it sounds like is this:


Lumpkin spoke without thinking, as is usual, when he told the Princess about his savings. When she was justifiably appalled, he tried to backpedal. He turned to his Momma, as he often does, to get him out of his sticky mess, and she suggested that he tell the Princess this cockamamie story in the hopes that she would believe it and not expect him to contribute any finances to their relationship.

Yep. That's exactly what I think.

Which leads me to an even more disturbing conclusion.

Not only are both Lumpkin and his mother liars, she actually CONDONES the fact that he is taking advantage of another person. That he professes to love. She made up a lie to help him continue using my daughter, because, believe me, he's not swift enough to think of this on his own. Honestly. He practically has to be led to the bathroom to remember to pee.

So, what's this mother to do? I'd like to take a little drive to the Lumpkin abode and have a friendly chat with his mother and father. And set the record straight on who is the worker bee and who is the parasite. And then continue the chat about who is actually doing something with their life and who is plopped on the couch playing Zoo Keeper 2. About who is out there earning money everyday, and who is content to spend it.

And then I would like to advise them that they keep their pet monkey off of the phone, the internet and away from the Princess.

However, I realize that the bulk of this problem lies squarely with my own child, and I'm not so sure how to go about fixing that. If I speak the truth and alienate her, then I lose. If I say nothing and watch it go on, it eats me up.

I really resent treading a fine line.



Oh, but lest we miss out on the good news..........................................................


that 1,500 dollars?





He still has that money after they bought him a car.

Can't you see that he's a liar ?

General Public -- General Public -- 1984



I have talked, ad nauseum, about the relationship between my Princess and her boyfriend Lumpkin.

I had finally come to a point where I accepted what I couldn't change. They are a couple. She loves him, and in his immature way, I think that he loves her. But I still, deep down, keep hoping that she will wake up and see him for what he truly is. Lazy. Unmotivated. An ingrate riding on her coat-tails.

It's not that I think my child is perfect. She is far from it. She is quick to be negative, quicker to demand perfection from herself and other. Her stubborn refusal to face reality can sometimes be maddening. She can still get herself mired in the unrealistic idealism of the young and inexperienced.

However, she is also honest and loyal. She is relentlessly hard working and is never afraid to take on a new venture. She is funny and wickedly smart.

And she has terrible taste in men.

Recently, Lumpkin has been trying to live up to the Princess' ultimatums. First, he had to get his driver's license. Yes, you read me right. The fool is 23 years old and didn't drive. And it's not as if he lived in a commuter-based city. He was just too nervous to try a driving class. The Princess was becoming weary of driving him around on their monthly visits, so she demanded that he at least TRY to get his license. There were months of excuses, placing the blame squarely on the shoulders of others, but he finally got his act slightly together and took the test.

Guess what?

He failed. While it was no surprise to me, the Princess was mightily disappointed, and she told him so.

So he waited several weeks and tried again. I think, maybe, this time he actually studied for it. He managed to pass.

At the same time, she was badgering him about going back to school. Ummmm hmmmm. He had been doing NOTHING with his time since he finished a "gap year" last May.

NOTHING.

The young man who had the good fortune of 4 years at Fordham. And couldn't decide what he wanted to major in so he barely graduated. Who conveniently missed almost all of the application dates for Graduate programs around the country. Who then had to do a "gap year" in Philadelphia both to raise his grades and hopefully provide a year of maturity and clarity.

That young man. He has had 5 years of college education and he was utilizing it by sitting home and playing video games.

But my daughter still gave him the benefit of the doubt. Encouraged him. Babied him. And finally demanded that he do something. ANYTHING.

So because she was now a certified teacher, he signed up at BoBo University for part-time teaching classes (he hardly ever has an original thought). That seemed to temporarily satisfy her. She was blindly content that he was actually moving forward in his life.

I just sat back and waited for the other shoe to drop. I knew it was only a matter of time before it did. The guy sabotages himself at every opportunity, and depends on her to pick up the pieces.

Over the past few weeks, his parents have been taking him car shopping. They had promised him that they would get him a car if he passed his driving test. I had questioned the Princess as to who was actually paying for the car as he has no job and his parents are always claiming that they have no money. She professed not to know.

This past Sunday, she was at our house when her phone rang. It was Lumpkin. He called to tell her all about his big-boy adventure of test driving a Honda. He was blathering on about the details as the Princess walked around our house listening rather disinterestedly.

Suddenly, I overheard her say, icily "you NEVER told me that!". The next thing I knew, the conversation was over and the Princess came back into the room. The steam was practically rising from her ears. When I asked her what was wrong, she couldn't help but blurt out "he has 5,000 in savings!!! He has never, in over 2 years, told me that!!!".

Apparently, he has conveniently failed to mention that minor detail to her over the course of their 28 month relationship. The 28 months in which she paid for almost everything they did. The gas, the tickets, the food, the groceries. Because he had no money. Or so she was told, over and over again.

She was fuming. And being the supportive and understanding mother that I am, I pointedly asked her why she was acting so surprised. I reminded her that I had been wondering all along ( and had even asked her) how he could claim he had no money, but yet live away at college and still eat out, use public transportation, buy items for himself. I took the opportunity to tell her, in all honesty, that I felt she had been taken advantage of all along. That he had been content to eat her food, to ride in her car, to stay at her place and rarely offer up a dime to share the costs. I asked her why she should trust someone who had knowingly misled her for so long, making her believe that he had no means to financially contribute to their relationship when, in fact, he did.

I knew that she probably didn't want to hear what I was saying, but I also knew that it was likely the exact same thing that was running through her head at that moment.

To add insult to injury, his recent Christmas gift to her had been a ticket to see the new Broadway showing of The Little Mermaid. He had asked her what she wanted for Christmas and she had told him that this was the one gift she would like. His parents paid for his ticket, and he bought hers. They went to see it the week before last. When they got to the theater, their seats were so far away from the stage their backs were practically at the exit door. As he apologized, he explained that he probably should have spent the extra 30 dollars for the better seats, but given the fact that he really didn't have any money ( or a job), he had purchased the cheaper seats. It angered the Princess then, and with this new disclosure, she was furious.

I haven't spoken to the Princess about him since Sunday when she left our house. My Mother asked her last night how Lumpkin was and her response was " I don't care. Right now, I'm sick of him".

Although I would hate to see her have her heart broken, I would rather that than watch it being eaten away, bit by bit......as life passes her by.

I wish she would believe that she deserves better. I wish she could understand that this world can offer better. I wish that I could protect her from things that could hurt her, like when she was small.

No matter what any mother with young children would like to believe, it doesn't get easier when they grow up.

I never noticed before, sometimes I'd find that I'd tried to be blind to it all

Midge Ure -- Light In Your Eyes -- 1991


Girls! Thanks so much for all the eyeball advice. Sadly, I was still lurching around like a toddler in swim fins until yesterday afternoon........when I simply gave in and returned to my old glasses.

I had taken myself and the new pair back to the Optician on Saturday. They checked everything over and pronounced the glasses fine. The axis was straight. The frames fit correctly. FINE!!!

That's why i see everything kinda blurry cause they ARE FINE!!!!

I think this mess qualifies as A SITUATION.

See, when I went to the Opthamologist's office, I actually saw my regular doctor's partner. My regular doc is heading into semi-retirement, so it is pretty tough to get an appointment with him - with all the golf and everything. I didn't mind seeing the partner, but it soon became clear that he has a very different way of communicating than I am used to.

Kind of indirect. Indecisive. UNCLEAR.

I told him that it had been many years since my last comprehensive eye exam. So he did one. With fancy equipment. Shiny things near my head. Machines that made my vision fuzzy and then.....voila!....cleared it up again. It was all very impressive.

Then, I told him that I was having trouble seeing things close up. I have very severe astigmatism, so he did not seem surprised by this bit-o-news. However, I now realize ( duh) that he never asked me to clarify what I meant by close up. I meant like 6 inches from my face or closer. Like cross-stitching or ear-plucking ( the dogs, people....the dogs!). Maybe he thought I meant close up like reading a paper or eating a meal or cutting my toenails. I don't know.

So, he finishes the exam and tells me wonderful yadda-yadda things about my spectacular eye health and then informs me that I would probably benefit from progressive lenses for my close-up problem. Whereby I inform him that I have a little problem with motion sickness and he informs me that maybe I would do better with bifocals. But he then proceeds to tell that that, actually, I might do fine with regular prescriptions because of my severe astigmatism, except that the progressive lenses and/or the bifocals would definitely help with the close-up problems.

Clear as mud?

So I left there thinking that he thought that I thought I needed help with the close-up and that because I thought the progressive lenses would make me wonky, he thought the bifocals would work.

Getting clearer? Good. Now you know how I feel!

So now I get the glasses, they are nauseating me and I go back to the Optician who kindly tells me that, if the glasses are still bothering me in the next few days, bring them back and they will replace the bifocals with the new, regular prescription because..........

actually, bifocals are supposed to help me from as far away as 16 inches. You really don't need them for things that are right up in your face. Those things, well, even the people with bifocals usually take their glasses off to complete any task that close. Glasses just don't help at such a tiny distance from your eyes. Not even bi-focals............


BUT MINE ONLY WORK WHEN THEY ARE CLOSER THAN 5 or 6 INCHES FROM MY FACE!!!!!

Now, people, really. How many things do we do on a daily basis that are less than 6 inches from our face? Do you sit 4 inches from your computer? Do you eat your meal with your plate suspended 5 inches from your nose? Do you drive less than 6 inches from the car ahead of you?

Strike that last one.

So, it looks as if the bifocal experiment was a big, steaming pile of shit. I am wasting all of that lens space for something I will rarely, if ever, use. I am suffering trying to get used to an option I don't need. I probably never really needed bifocals to begin with, but because the doctor never clarified what I meant by close-up, and I didn't know enough to ask, I was prescribed something I didn't need.

The glasses are going back to be refitted with the regular lenses. I am renewing my vow to avoid doctors at all costs.


And, as if that isn't good enough-


SHE has returned.

Lurking around my Blog for almost an hour. Looking and reading and flipping through pages. Yesterday.


She is so transparent, I didn't even need any glasses to find her.

a change in perspective, alternative view.....

to help me see clearly- observe something new -- Missing Persons -- Windows -- 1983



Try to remember the last time you went to a carnival or an amusement park. The smell of popcorn, the stickiness of spilled soda under your feet. The crowds of people waiting, impatiently in front of the newest ride.

Even as an adult, carnivals and amusement parks have the ability to transport us back to childhood. They fill us with excitement. We drop some of our adult inhibitions for those few hours we are there. Those of us who are normally so careful with our money think nothing of wasting 10 dollars trying to shoot cans off the top of a barrel in a vain attempt to win a 2 dollar toy. We will eat foods we would glance distastefully at in the grocery store. We ride the rides, we thrill in the thumping of the music. We laugh at the distorted images in the funhouse mirrors.

Now, try too imagine that the funhouse in is your head. Or, more precisely, in your eye sockets.

That's exactly how I feel today. I picked up my new glasses last night. Shiny and pretty and with little magnets to hold the sunglasses when the brightness of my life becomes overwhelming.

And they are making me ill. ILL

Images are distorted. Nothing is in focus. I feel like I am viewing life through a funhouse mirror. Or, possibly, the deck of the Andrea Doria.

I have been assured that it will take a few days for my eyes and my brain to adjust, but I don't have a shitload of faith in those estimations because I have a deep, foreboding sense that these glasses will be in the trash before 72 hours are up. I could probably deal with the introduction of the bifocals alone if my regular, non-bifocal prescription had not changed. But since my regular prescription was changed, I can't seem to focus on ANYTHING.



In other news...................................................................................................................................



Screw that. There is no other news when I am living on a rolling sea of visual images. You'll all just have to amuse yourselves for the weekend.