Are ya living alone or with your family?

Die Young, Stay Pretty -- Blondie -- 1979




Listen, now. You have to stop this behavior. Constantly bugging me for more words....more Blog entries....my blood........my soul.........


I AM BUSY!


Can't you all see that?

I have a life. I have a daughter. I have Poodles.

It's all very time consuming and my head is hurting.


OK, I'll Blog if I must. It's so hard to be on the A-list:


The Princess LOVED the apartment. The landlord loved the Princess ( and if he loves her in that way, I will detach his man parts from his person with a spork and corkscrew).

Where were we? Oh, right. My head is hurting.

What? What about the Princess? Ohhhhhh.......now I remember.

So she is moving in to the new place officially on the 15th of June. Just a mere 2 weeks away. None of her furniture is completely refinished yet. Great timing on our part.

She has gone to 4 job interviews in the past 4 days. One was a call-back from this fool. For that one, she spent the morning with an actual pre-school teacher in the 3's classroom. She loved it, of course, so she is still giving that job careful consideration, even though the boss appears to be a witless ass.

So she has 3 good prospects for jobs to choose from. One is already ruled out because it's too far away.

Everything else is status quo. Job is still stupid, my house is a fuckin disaster, why, with all of the Princess' stuff waiting to be moved. My Mother is like a bargain shopping diva. Buying 3 rolls of Saran Wrap, 27 jars of cooking spices and eleventy towels so that the Princess will be stocked when she gets into the new place.

The pups are displaced because their crates are slowly being buried under pot racks and Corelle dishes. My garage is quickly deteriorating into a mentally ill hoarder's dream.

Have I mentioned that my head is hurting?

And then, I made some type of grievous error when helping the Princess to consolidate her student loans. I have normally handled those things for her as an undergrad because most of the loans were PLUS type loans for parents. This consolidation was for HER graduate loans to give her income-based payments over 25 years. My mistake disallowed her from a normal 6 month grace period for repayment to begin ( which she had been counting on), so I feel duly obligated to pay her loans for that 6 months.

I think I might be bleeding from the ears.

However, I have managed to lose 13.4 pounds. Thank you Betty for hanging on to them for me. I may need them back after I suffer a brain hemorrhage and lose all muscle tone and fat stores from complete paralysis.



I think my Corpus Collosum just fell out onto my desk.




Toodles people. Friggin Toodles.

We show the world a brand new face, it's taken us all this time, all of this doubt..........

We get to work it out -- Work It Out -- Def Leppard -- 1996



Things seem to be settling down here at the ole homestead DeAvalon.

After many weeks of furiously scouring Craigslist, yellow slashes across possibilities in the classifieds of the local paper, umpteen voice-mail messages, numerous landfill visits ( ie: apartments in the Princess' price range), rejection, denial, hot tears and worry.............WE HAVE A WINNER!

We found an apartment for my Princess. Literally 2 blocks from my house. My co-worker recommended that we check it out. Her beau is a dentist, and this apartment is upstairs from his practice. The practice is in a house built in 1935, so the apartment is full of original charm. It is big, full of light.........and best of all........IMMACULATE! The dentist remodeled, painted and put down brand new carpeting just a few months ago. The modest rent includes ALL UTILITIES!!!


As if that's not good enough, the Princess has 4 job interviews in the upcoming week. One of them is a second interview with this woman. The director called her and asked that she come back to see the school again and meet with some of the other teachers. She wants the Princess to see the classrooms in action. The Princess decided to give this woman another shot because she really loves the school itself. Then there are 3 other places that are interested in hiring her.


Things are turning around.


I just hope they stop turning before I get dizzy and fall off.


We are still refinishing furniture like mad. The Princess has to find a way to get out of her lease in the apartment she is currently sharing. We have LOTS of moving to do.........but it's still getting better than it was.


And for the best news.......the relationship with Lumpkin may be on the rocks. He is back at home in his Momma's tentacles, and is slowly being hyp-mo-tized by her anti-Princess ways. As much as I would hate to see my Princess get her heart broken, I would love to see him take a hike even more. Let my girl focus on a new job, a new place, a new life without the weight of him dragging her down.


I'm starting to feel lighter.


It could be the 12.2 lbs I've lost.


Yes, life is definitely looking brighter.

know this child will be gifted with love. with patience, and with faith........

she'll make her way -- Wonder -- Natalie Merchant -- 1995


Tomorrow, my Princess graduates from college. Again. She just graduated one year ago with her Bachelor's degree. 24 hours from now she will be graduating with 2 Master's degrees in education. It has been a very long road to get here.

To say that I am proud of her would not be nearly enough. She is relentless in her determination to make something of her life. She always has been.

She was the baby who insisted on being born up 5 weeks early. The baby who lived in borrowed clothes and laid on borrowed furniture. She was determined to do more, to have more, to be more than her beginnings might have dictated.

Life was never fast enough or challenging enough for her. She taught herself to walk at 9 months old. Taught herself. Because I had a 4 year old Godson who was staying with us and she was completely frustrated that she couldn't keep up with him. So she sat and watched his feet as he walked. Methodically. For an entire day. And later that night, she simply got up and walked. She would not be outdone.

She was the 5 year old who cried when I picked her up after her very first day of school because they had not taught her how to read. The first day.

She was the kid who read voraciously for enjoyment and then retained the most minute and seemingly trivial of facts in her steel-trap of a mind........only to be pulled out while watching Jeopardy every night. She usually won our evening grudge matches.

She has always appreciated art and history and classical music and Broadway shows and museums. She did not get those preferences from me, but I tried my best to nurture them for her sake. I have listened to more Beethoven than I would care to mention because it relaxed her.

She has always been a rabid movie fan. With a taste for the unusual. Tim Burton was her favorite director from the time she was 6. I still love to sit in a darkened theater with her and share popcorn and laughter.

She is the child who ALWAYS stopped in the yard to seek out her favorite Preying Mantis or Ladybug. She loved to run in her summer nightie to catch fireflies in the evening dusk. She always let them go, even when I assured her that they would stay alive in her bug jar until morning. She was too afraid to cause them any harm.

She was the child who took on any academic challenge the school system would toss her way. Talented and gifted program. Sure! The first class to attend the new Academy for arts and education. Absolutely! A founding member of the very first group from our town to form an Odyssey Of The Mind Team. Bring it on! The very same team who not only aced the regional competition, but went on to win the state level and attend the world championships. No problem!

The teenager who was accepted into one of the most academically rigorous college prep schools in the state. She walked in with her head held high and her goals even higher. She worked every summer to pay off her financial aid grants, never caring that some of her best friends came from homes gifted with obscene wealth.

The girl who was voted into the Who's Who of American High School students. Not once, but twice.

The young lady who applied to 8 colleges and was rejected by only 1. The summer that we spent touring those places is forever emblazoned in my mind. The road trips in my Jeep with the top down, the music blasting and the two of us singing along......enjoying our adventure. She carefully chose the college she would attend because of it's reputation for producing well-rounded students with tremendous writing skills.

The young woman who tackled an extremely rigorous college curriculum with intensity. She attended classes full-time, did internships and worked babysitting in the community for money to live on. No matter how busy or how overwhelmed she sometimes got, she never lost sight of her goals. She never gave up.

And now, she is a young woman standing on the brink of her life. She is ready to go out and tackle the big, wide world.

I will not be there tomorrow to see her walk. She worriedly asked if it was OK to spend this graduation day with her boyfriend. I assured her that I am fine with that. She doesn't get to see the boyfriend very often, and he is making a special trip to share in her Graduation as he was not able to come last year. My Mother and I did see her walk last year. She knows that even if we are not in the seats clapping and cheering tomorrow, we are there with her.

Every step of the way.



So, to my girl, I say this:

You've done it! You accomplished every goal you set for yourself so far. I am incredibly proud of you, as you should be of yourself.

Now, slow down a bit and enjoy all of the new things to come. Take heart in the knowledge that you are capable and gifted and wonderful. You have so much to offer this world, and it's there at your feet waiting to be explored.

Remember always how much I love you, as does your Gram.

And never forget that you have been my inspiration. Every single day of your life.


Happy Graduation!

I am breaking tradition. This post has no title. No musical reference. No obscure artist that no one but me and my singular friend recognize.

Wanna know why?


BECAUSE ANNIE D IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!

Driving by my house. Throwing things at my windows. Calling my cell 23.75 hours a day. Following me home from work. Interrogating my neighbors. Showing up at my office claiming to be my long-lost sister. Cozying up to my Mom.

Yep, that friggin' Annie D is making my life a living hell.


OK. Maybe that's a slight exaggeration. Maybe she just asked me to do something simple like pimp her Blog. And maybe I didn't because I'm anti-pimpin that way. Or forgetful. Or useless.

Whatever.

I didn't do it and now she's invading my dreams. I can't eat, I can't sleep. I can't stay awake. She's killing me.


Again with the *tiny* exaggerations.

Please go here and send a message of love to Annie so she will leave me the hell alone and cease this public display of embarrassment.

TYVM.

And for those of you astute music lovers, there were a few distinctive lines lifted from songs in the post. Figure it out and you get a lovely parting gift.

She knows no one will lift her.........

so she might as well do it herself -- Dave Matthews Band -- Grey Street -- 2002





Yep. Still here.



Was the suspense killing you?



Hello.



Anyone there??



Hellllloooooooooo?!?





Oh well, I've talked to myself in the past:









No. Nothing is new. How about you?





Really! I never knew that about you. How fascinating! Please, tell me more, I'm a good listener.





You're kidding! WOW! How did you ever get up the nerve to try that?





And what did he say?? Was he freaked out when you asked? You are one crazy bitch!





Oh, me. Nah. Nothing new. Still apartment hunting for the Princess. Still refinishing furniture for the Princess. Still searching out jobs here at home for the Princess. Same old shit.





Nope. The lady she interviewed with never called anyone back. Asshole! But the Princess sent in a resume for another job on Sunday, and the director of that school e-mailed her back the same night. She wants her to come for an interview on the 25th. She's very excited.





No, we haven't found her an apartment yet. We keep looking. We have another one to see tonight. Hopefully, it's not another dump. The last one made her cry when we took her to see it on Mother's Day. It was THAT bad.





You're right. It is exhausting. I'll be so damn glad when she's settled.





The dogs? Oh, they're fine. Wanna see a new picture of Trevor? I have one right here:

You're right. He has gotten big, hasn't he? He was always your favorite.

My Mom is fine. Yours? Your Dad? The kids?

Well, it's been great talking to you, but I really better get going. Call me and we can arrange to meet for lunch or something. By next month, my life should be a bit calmer.

Great! See ya'!

I can't help it if I don't feel so good.......

If I had my way, I'd be sitting on the top of the world -- Angry Blues -- James Taylor -- 1975



Thanks kids for all your messages of encouragement or agreement. I am still pissy. Foul and cranky. I'm beginning to like it here in my own little misery box. It's comfortable, and annoying people seem to flee in droves when you act all dangerously mad.


My life lately has been a series of unanswered phone calls for apartments, miserable visits to apartments, searching more want ads for apartments, refinishing furniture for an eventual apartment, more fruitless visits to ugly/scary/overpriced/dirty/crummy/anddidImentioneoverpriced apartments.

C'mon people. 825 dollars a month for 3 tiny rooms.........all utilities separate. Is the kid moving to the Taj Mahal???




So, in honor of the continuation of my lousy mood, and to spare you any more of my misery, I will entertain you with a few photos.



Of another crappy apartment.


Make up your own damn captions.

Oh, all right, I'll narrate them for you. Lazy asses.

The bathroom. Please notice the lovely shade of BRIGHT GREEN. And, if you really look closely, the layer of scum and Staph settled into the track of the shower door. After cleaning. And the fact that someone tried to pretty -up the horrible loo by sponge painting the top of the toilet seat. This joint screams class. Not a single place to even store a towel or a roll of toilet paper. That metal thingy over the toilet goes with the previous tenant. Such a shame.

On to the kitchen. Modernized, according to the ad. Apparently modernized in the Flintstone era. Please take a careful look at the SCREAMING ORANGE FORMICA. And the fact that there is no more counter or cabinet space than what is seen in the shot. Great for a budding cook! Aside from a tiny refrigerator tucked under an alcove, there is nothing else to the kitchen. Not even a place to store groceries.

Now we move along to the LOVELY living room. Look-----vaulted ceilings and a skylight!!! That leaks. But only when it rains. The ceilings are several ER co-pays away from diagnosed head trauma. And the paneling! Oh, the paneling. No upkeep. Carole Brady and her beloved Alice would flip over the paneling. Me, not so much.

Did I mention that this is a 3rd floor walk-up? And the stairs. Well, treacherous is the descriptor that comes to mind. They are outside. Completely outside. So toting rain and groceries.....never mind moving FURNITURE should be a complete joy. And, there is NO SOLID, LOCKABLE DOOR to separate the apartment from the downstairs of the house.

C'mon in folks, everything is free!!

Does the fun never end?

Now, because you may just be bleeding profusely from your eye sockets at the sight of all that 70's decor, I offer you this respite:

Handsome, no?

Please appreciate his beauty because it's the one bit of mercy I will show until my kid gets a GODDAMNED PLACE TO LIVE!!!!!!!

No we're never gonna to survive unless we are a little... crazy..

Crazy -- Seal -- 1991




Hating the world today. Ever wake up in one of those moods? Gotten stuck in one of those moods? Lived your entire life in one of those moods? That's how I'm feeling lately.

I am sick of apartments, lying landlords, job hunts, financial decisions, furniture that needs to be refinished, dogs, work, my hair, my unruly lawn and my asshole neighbors. In that order.

Not too much to say after that. Updates:

No word on the job for the Princess. Looked at 2 more potential apartments for her. Cute but too expensive. Especially since one landlord LIED on the phone and said all utilities were included. When we got there.........NOT! The utility bills would have run another 250 dollars a month.

Lying sack of shit.

Have placed calls to 3 other possibilities. NOT ONE has bothered to call back.

Assholes.

Talked to the Princess last night. Called her just to check on how she was doing. She was morose and cranky and I ended up hanging up on her after she copped a bit of an attitude with me.

Bitch.

That's it for today, because right now, I even hate myself.

You with the sad eyes, Don't be discouraged.......

Oh I realize, It's hard to take courage -- True Colors -- Cyndi Lauper --


Remember when we were young? Flush with the excitement of a life yet unfolded. Ready to take on the world. We were not yet jaded. We had not suffered a constant battering by a life that is often too hard to justify.

We were ready to go out into the big, wide world and conquer our dreams. Everything that was new and exciting was directly ahead of us........waiting to be explored. We were young adults and we were ready for that challenge.

Getting it all right seemed so terribly important.

There were the rituals that marked the end of childhood and propelled us into the bigger world, prepared or not. We graduated from High School, we dated, we went to college, we learned about ourselves.

We dreamed of what our lives would become.

The very first baby-steps to attaining this dream were taken. We tentatively filled out our first job application. We were nervous, maybe a bit scared, but hopeful. So hopeful. Here was the opportunity to chase that dream.

We sent in our applications for that very first job and we waited. And the waiting was so hard. Wondering if we had any value to an employer. Would they like it? Would they think we were good enough? Would we get a call for an interview?

And then the call came! The excitement was palpable. The dream was inching closer and closer to our grasp. And we prepared.

Maybe we rehearsed what we would say in an interview. We labored over what to wear.........how to present ourselves. We probably shopped for the perfect *interview* attire. Adult clothes. We were ready to cast away the remnants of childhood as easily as we discarded that favorite pair of jeans. We were on the move.........always reaching towards the promise of the new life that lay ahead.

On the day of the interview, the nerves set in. Would they like us? Would we say something stupid? Would we be offered the job that held so much promise?

And in we marched, terrified on the inside. Terrified that failure would mean a loss of the dream. Terrified to seem afraid.

But always hopeful. Some part of us always hopeful.

And maybe the interview went well. Left us feeling like a success. Maybe we were offered that coveted first job. The opportunity to pursue the dream with abandon.

Or maybe not. Maybe, we walked into that room hopeful and left defeated. Because of someone who was indifferent. Someone who was too wrapped up in their own circumstances to notice our worth. To see beyond what was on the paper into the heart of us. To understand that they held our dream in the palm of their hand.

Maybe, like today, someone careless and thoughtless broke someone else's heart.

My Princess' heart.

She did her best. She prepared herself for her first interview. She chose her thoughts, her words, her clothing.......all with great care. This was important to her.

Apparently, to the interviewer, it was just another interview. It was another distraction in a day filled with tasks. It was routine. She was too busy to bother being kind. Too busy to see the scared, but hopeful young lady sitting across from her. The young lady trying her very best.

To that lady, I say this:

Please know that your indifference crushed a little part of someone today. Your inattention managed to make her feel unimportant.




Please, always try to remember what it was like to be hopeful.